My fibromyalgia journey has been a long and difficult one. Some days are better than others--as is usually the case with this condition. I have a love/hate relationship with the disease. It sounds rather odd, I know. I will explain, but first...
I was in a near head-on car collision in August of 2000. Prior to that time, I had not had much experience with pain, other than after surgery and the emotional pain of infertility. The crash changed my life in any number of ways.
The driver that hit me had been drinking and failed to yield while making a left turn at a stop light. I was traveling at nearly 45mph and had no time to hit the brakes. The airbag deployed, but I hit hard and had several abrasions and a severe neck injury. I was immediately taken to the hospital for the usual round of tests, x-rays and CAT scans. Within 24 hours, the stiffness that usually follows a car accident began, followed soon after I got my first migraine.
Over the following 3 years, I suffered daily with migraines and neck pain. I was treated by a neurologist and multiple other specialists. Over time, the migraines began to improve with treatment, but never completely went away. It was a difficult time for me, but eventually I learned to live with the discomfort and pain. However, the pain in my neck and back seemed to radiate to other parts of my body. The pain never went away.
After many trips to several doctors, multiple treatments and medications, with the constant pain that couldn't be explained, my neurologist asked me to undergo one more test. It was a trigger point test. Of 18 trigger points, 15 were sensitive. He told me he finally had an explanation, fibromyalgia.
At that time, I had never even heard of fibromyalgia. I did not know what it was. He explained with the basic description and told me that there was no real treatment except antidepressants and anti-inflammatories. And so it began.
I quickly began gathering all the information that I could find on fibromyalgia. I wanted to understand what it was and how I could treat it without medication. I quickly learned that the future looked bleak, but I was determined to find my way through the maze of information.
I struggled through the first five years with the disease trying to keep my life as normal as possible. Trying to keep moving so that I didn't end up immobile as I had read many had ended up. I went to work, took care of my home, my husband, child and sick, elderly family members.
In 2008, I surrendered to the idea that more was not always better. I needed to slow down a little and take care of myself. I left work and began my journey through accepting my "disability". It took me fours years of fighting the system to finally get approved for my disability.
One of the most difficult parts of this journey was beginning it at the age of 29. Feeling as if you are elderly through your 30s and into your 40s is difficult. Accepting this is your "new" life has not been easy at all. But, the love/hate relationship I have with fibromyalgia is this...with the struggle through the disease, I would have no understanding of just how strong I could be. Fibromyalgia has taught me many things. Most of all, it has taught me that no matter what is thrown my way, I can survive it. I may not get through it the way I think I should or how someone else might, but I will get through it.
I am empowered by my disease an spend time now taking care of myself and educating those around me. My family, friends and loved ones have an understanding of my condition and its limitations on me. I know I have support of my community.
The best description I have is found in the song "
Fighter" by Christina Aguilera. The words to the song seem to give me strength. The lyrics go something like this:
After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I want to say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Always remember that even in the times when you think you cannot go on and that no one else understands your pain, there are those of us out there that do. There is support everywhere, everyday. So, help me in supporting Fibromyalgia Awareness Day every May 12th. Wear purple and turn your Facebook purple in support of all of us that fight each day.
